I think my loved one needs therapy. How should I approach this?

It’s important that you handle this carefully; messing this up can actually drive someone AWAY from getting the help they need.

If you think someone you care about would benefit from getting help, let them know sensitively. Some approaches that may work include:

Describing to them how you notice their suffering (sadness, anxiety, etc)

Describing to them how you notice it interferes with them getting outcomes they want

Describing to them how their behavior impacts you

Offering to help them find a therapist may be useful, especially in the case of a loved one who is depressed/shut down or overwhelmed.

Things you should definitely NOT do include:

Calling them names

Diagnosing them

Treating therapy as though it’s a punishment or an insult

Scheduling consultations for therapy for them without their knowledge***

***Scheduling sneak consultations is a really terrible idea.

I have called people for scheduled consultations, only to find that they didn’t know who i was, and had no idea why I was calling. You can imagine how angry they became when they realized (and I realized) what was happening. This does NOT lead people into therapy.

You cannot trick someone or outsmart them into therapy.

The only way therapy will work is if the person specifically wants it, and is willing to do the difficult work of making changes.

Also - it’s important to understand that the changes a person wants to make in therapy may not be the changes that you want them to make.