Although many people look forward to spending time with friends and family, there are plenty of people who dread the holidays for many reasons, including a history of family fights, passive-aggressive behaviors, or loneliness.
If you have contentious relationships with family members (and it may get worse this year as a result of the election), there are some ways you can protect your peace. I’m listing milder approaches first; I’ll also discuss possible pitfalls, so you can evaluate if these measures make sense for you.
Bring someone else home with you, such as a friend. A new person will be a distraction and may lead family members to be on their best behavior. However, this can backfire if family members grandstand or weaponize new people to intensify fights.
Make sure you have time to yourself. Try to use this time to get out of the house and go for walk, or do something you enjoy.
Schedule activities with friends.
Ensure you have your own space, wherever you are staying.
If there are certain topics that are off limits, state this ahead of time. If your family is respectful of your needs, this should be sufficient. However, if your family historically has challenged boundaries, plan how you will respond ahead of time.
Have access to a vehicle of your own. Although this may create an added expense, knowing that you have the freedom to leave, to go where you want, and to not be dependent on family members to drive you around is very liberating.
Stay at a hotel. Although this is also an added expense, staying at a hotel gives you control over your experience, and allows you to set boundaries. You may find it a tremendous relief to leave your family and go to a quiet hotel, where you can unwind.
Don’t go home at all. This is a big step, but if you’ve exhausted the more moderate approaches, or if you just need to take a breather this year, it’s perfectly fine to not go home at all. You can choose to be upfront about it, or make an excuse (such as illness, or a work issue, etc.). Please note that if you aren’t truthful, this still means that there are unresolved issues that you may need to revisit at a later date.
If you are lonely during the holiday season, you can:
Spend time with a friend or neighbor. Even people with whom you have a casual relationship will likely welcome including you in their holiday plans.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a retirement home.
Go on a nature walk/hike.
Travel. Traveling alone during the holidays, if you are already feeling lonely, can intensify the loneliness, but traveling with a friend or family member can be very satisfying.
Do things that you enjoy (eating a favorite meal, watching movies you’ve been meaning to see, reading, hiking, etc.). Essentially, create a self-care/spa day (whatever language you use to describe providing for yourself in ways that feel good).
If you find that the holidays make you feel bad no matter what you do, remember that the holiday season is brief and will be over soon.
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